EFT COUPLES THERAPY • Do you and your partner keep having the same fights, over and over?
• Are you unable to let go of old hurts and move forward?
• Do you often feel unaccepted, unseen, not good enough, or not important to your partner?
We all want a happy, close relationship and to feel that our partner is really there for us. However, despite our best intentions and efforts, building a solid, connected relationship can be incredibly difficult. The gap between our dreams of closeness and the disappointing reality of an unhappy, disconnected relationship can cause us incredible pain and distress. As we become increasingly caught in repetitive negative cycles of interacting with our partners, we often feel frustrated, confused, panicked, alone, and hopeless.
I'm passionate about helping my clients — gay and straight, married and unmarried — handle the challenges that relationships present. I believe in the power and importance of happy, healthy relationships, and that the work needed to build and maintain a good relationship is entirely worth it. I've been providing marriage counseling for over a decade, and I have the training and experience you need to turn your relationship around.
Whether you’re on the verge of breaking up or just looking for a tune-up, couples counseling can help. I use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) — the most effective style of couples therapy — to help you break the negative cycles that keep you stuck and help you achieve real, lasting change. I can help you and your partner communicate better, heal from past disappointments, rebuild trust and passion, and connect on a deeper level.
WHAT IS EMOTIONALLY FOCUSED THERAPY (EFT)?
“Love is a constant process of tuning in, connecting, missing and misreading cues, disconnecting, repairing and finding deeper connection. It is a dance of meeting and parting and finding each other again. Minute by minute, and day by day.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is an incredibly effective therapeutic approach for couples and families developed by relationship expert Dr. Sue Johnson
. Studies show that an astounding 70% to 75% of couples who complete their EFT work effectively move from distress to recovery and that 90% of couples show significant improvement
in their relationships.
EFT is a research-based, peer-reviewed model of therapy founded on the exciting science of attachment theory
, which explains that we are all wired for strong, loving bonds with our partners and that we have deep needs for acceptance, belonging, closeness, and safety. When we perceive these needs are threatened in some way, or we feel insecure in our relationship with our partner, we naturally go into distress. Unfortunately, most of us deal with that distress by protecting ourselves with critical, blaming approaches or by shutting down and shutting out our partners. These two strategies — criticism and withdrawal — often create a seemingly impenetrable loop of conflict. One partner feels alone and unimportant so he or she lashes out in protest, the other feels inadequate and bad and retreats behind a wall — which makes the first partner feel more alone, leading to more blaming and criticism, and more stoniness and withdrawal, and round and round we go.
As the name implies, EFT is powered by connecting with our vulnerable emotions, getting beneath the mask of defensive criticism or withdrawal. By exploring their emotions, perceptions of each other, and automatic responses to each other, partners can start to identify their roles in the dynamic, and the effect they have on the relationship. The more partners learn to catch their negative cycle and respond to each other from their vulnerable (vs. defensive) emotions, the more they create a safe and secure bond and get freedom from the chronic disconnection and conflict. That makes room for repairing old hurts, healing stories about ourselves from the past, and creating a lasting and loving connection.